Emotional,personal information exchange during first date conversationpromotes powerful feelings of connection。
第一次约会交流爱情、互相交换个人信息能大大推动爱情的联系。
A psychologist atthe State University of New York at Stony Brook, is interested inhow people form romantic relationships, and he’s come up withan ingenious way of taking men and women who havenever met before and making them feel close to one another. Giventhat he has just an hour or so to create the intimacy levels thattypically take weeks, months, or years to form, he accelerated thegetting-to-know-you process through a set of thirty-six questionscrafted to take the participants rapidly from level one inMcAdams’s system to level two。
纽约州立大学斯托尼布鲁克学校的一位心理学家对于人们是怎样产生甜蜜关系这方面的研究太感兴趣，他想出了一个巧妙的计策把从来没有见过面的男女使她们觉得彼此亲近。通常须要几周、几个月或几年的时间才会形成亲密感，而通过这一策略用一小时左右的时间就可以，他通过制订了一组问题，包括36个问题对参与者进行测试，就加速了美好觉得的形成过程，在麦克亚当斯的系统中，级别迅速从一级提高到二级。
But how effectivecan this be, really?
但疗效究竟怎样?真有如此神奇吗?
In under an hourit can create a connection stronger than a lifelongfriendship。
在一个小时内构建上去的爱情比终生友谊的爱情更强烈。
What he found wasstriking. The intensity of the dialogue partners’ bond at the end ofthe forty-five-minute vulnerability interaction was rated as closerthan the closest relationship in the lives of 30 percent of similarstudents. In other words, the instant connectionswere more powerful than many long-term, even lifelongrelationships。
他的发觉十分惊人。45分钟的对话时间结束双方所构建上去的亲密感，类似30%的中学生在生活建行成的最亲昵的爱情。换句话说，即时构建上去的亲密感赶超了许多常年培养的爱情，甚至比终生培养上去的爱情还要强悍。
4.ChooseControversial Over Dull Every Time
4.每次约会的争辩氛围胜过低沉氛围
If all elsefails, talk about abortions and STD’s。
如果其他话题都争辩不上去的话，争论一下流产和梅毒传播这类问题。
Forcing people todiscuss interesting but more controversial topics made for moreenjoyable first date conversation。
迫使你们讨论有意思但更有争议性的话题，营造这样的氛围会使第一次约会攀谈的氛围更令人愉快。
We limited thetype of discussions that online daters could engage in byeliminating their ability to ask anything that they wanted andgiving them a preset list of questions andallowingthem to ask only thesequestions. The questions we chose had nothing to do with theweather and how many brothers and sisters they have, and insteadall the questions were interesting and personally revealing(ie.,“how many romantic partners did you have?”（小兔情感挽回老师 微信：ke2004578）， “When was yourlast breakup?”， “Do you have any STDs?”， “Have you ever brokensomeone’s heart?”， “How do you feel about abortion?”)… Instead oftalking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts, they sharedtheir innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity.Everyone, both sender and replier, was happier with theinteraction…What we learned from this little experiment is thatwhen people are free to choose what type of discussions they wantto have, they often gravitate toward an equilibrium that is easy tomaintain but one that no one really enjoys or benefitsfrom。
我们对网上交友者所讨论的话题限定类型，不容许想问哪些就问哪些，把可以问的问题给她们列举一个表，只容许她们问这种问题。我们选择的问题与天气无关，也不问有多少兄弟姐妹，所有的问题都太有意思，而且都能从问题的回答中看出每个人的个性(如，“你谈过多少次恋爱?”“你上一次分手是哪些时侯?”“你有肝病吗?”“你伤过他人的心吗?”“你对流产这个问题如何看?”)…不谈论世界杯或自己喜欢的蛋糕，分享彼此内心深处的焦虑或则告诉对方自己失贞的秘密。每个人既要向对方述说自己的故事也要聆听对方的诉说，进行快乐互动…我们从这个小实验中可以了解到你们自由选择自己想要讨论哪些话题，他们常常倾向平衡便于维护恋爱约会技巧，但不会从中体验到真正的愉悦体会或从中获益。
